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  Smoker's Guide to Holland: Amsterdam  
 

For reasons that'll be very obvious to anyone who's been there, this is by far the longest page on this site. Amsterdam teems with coffeeshops - one estimate puts their number at around 300 (no-one knows exactly - as coffeeshops don't officially exist, no record is kept of them). It's hard to wander around the city centre for more than ten minutes without coming across one or two at least. So what's here is just a random selection... you will almost certainly find others. I have put my favourites in a hall of fame at the end.

MAP OF CENTRAL AMSTERDAM

Note - this is very far from being a definitive map of Amsterdam. There are lots of streets missing. If you're going, for God's sake get a proper map and don't try and use this one to get around.

Click on either the map or the table to read that coffeeshop's review:

  Map of Amsterdam Baba's Bulldog Palace De Tweede Kamer Dutch Flowers Rookies Rusland Sensi Seeds Stones City Hall Dampkring Rokerij (Amstel) Greenhouse Blue Bird Cum Laude Rokerij (Leidseplein) Abraxas De Kroon Kandinsky Club Media Mellow Yellow Speakeasy Grasshopper Topps Bush Docter Central Barney's Breakfast Bar Goa Empire (Haarlem)
1. Baba's
2. Bulldog Palace
3. De Tweede Kamer
4. Dutch Flowers
5. Rookie's
6. Rusland
7. Sensi Seeds
8. Stones
9. City Hall
10. Dampkring
11. Rokerij (Amstel)
12. Greenhouse
13. Blue Bird
14. Cum Laude
15. Rokerij (Leidseplein)
16. Abraxas
17. De Kroon
18. Kandinsky
19. Club Media
20. Mellow Yellow
21. Speakeasy
22. The Grasshopper
23. Topps
24. Bush Docter
25. Central
26. Barney's Breakfast Bar
27. Goa
28. Empire (Haarlem)
Note the remainder not yet on map.
29. Grey Area
30. Siberie
31. Pink Floyd
 

Click here to go to the Hall of Fame at the end.


1. Baba's.

Oudebrugsteeg - near the Damrak and Red-light district. Visited: A: Wed., 5:00 pm. B: Sat., 2:00 pm.
A: The odyssey starts here. One of the nearest coffeeshops to the station and one I've frequently scored in, it being recommended to me by members of Lawnmower Deth, dodgy heavy-metal band who know of what they speak Amsterdamwise. Very nice it was too, excellent value (4g of skunk for 50 guilders, which is 15 quid). A noisy, vibrant and slightly touristy cafe. Serves hash milkshakes and cookies.
B: Revisited in June 1999. Confirmed the fact that this is probably one of the best coffeeshops near the station - I couldn't spend all day here, however. The picture on the right is taken here - shame you can't see more of the "Indian" style decor.
Score: 7 out of 10.
Inside Baba's

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2. The Bulldog Palace.

Leidseplein 13-17. Visited: Wed., 10:00 pm.

A: The Bulldog was the first hash coffeeshop in Amsterdam, established in the red-light district in 1975. That Bulldog is still there; but the company have expanded, and now own a budget hotel and bars as well as this coffeeshop in the Leidseplein, the main boozing centre of Amsterdam. This is thus one of the most high-profile coffeeshops in the city and it's no real surprise that it's loud, touristy, crowded, commercial and full of "first-timers". I've nothing against first-timers, I mean we were all there once weren't we. But then again we were all first-years at school as well and we all know they're irritating little shits.

ADDITIONAL: A word however from an American correspondent, Elmer Elevator: "As for the Bulldog itself in Liedseplein ... I think it is now an Article of Faith that only dumb tourists straight out of Centraalstation go there. But you know what? I really LIKE it! They have EVERYTHING I want! They're FRIENDLY! The fresh-squeezed fruit juice is WONDERFUL! And the herb -- well, all I know is that I forgot my middle name again within about 5 minutes on what The Guy recommended.

So there you are: don't just trust my words!

Score: 3 out of 10.

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3. De Tweede Kamer.

Heisteeg 8. Visited: on many occasions!! De Tweede Kamer - exterior

A: Now this is more like it. After a cultural morning spent in the art museums, this was the best possible way to take a smoke. Looks and feels like a traditional "brown cafe"; wooden walls, old men playing chess, newspapers to read, windows expressly designed to be utterly impossible to see out of. An incredibly friendly barman, who won extra points for recommending a damn good spot for lunch. Bob Marley on the stereo and a f***ing enormous selection of different kinds of gear. (The name, by the way, means "The Second Room": it is the Dutch equivalent of the House of Commons/House of Representatives.)
B: spent three hours in here on Sunday afternoon of the stag weekend and only confirmed that this is the best coffeeshop in Amsterdam - at least to spend the daylight hours. It's not a place to spend an evening if you're the active, party type: but I would heartily recommend it in any other situation. And, incidentally, if you walk down Heisteeg, over the two canals, on your left is "Goodies", the lunch-spot mentioned earlier, which does the best sandwiches in Amsterdam. When I move to this city, I'm going to live round here.
C: Still the best in town! I noticed they have also installed screens where you can clearly see how much you are being sold, and very few coffeeshops do this. An absolutely top place, this. I cannot recommend it enough.

TOTEK: I would thoroughly agree that this is probably the best coffeeshop in Amsterdam. The barman was very pleasant, the range of drinks, although not spectacular, was fine, and the selection of gear here is pretty much unparalleled. The menu gives you a detailed description of what you're buying, and, although it is reasonably pricey compared to some places, the quality is absolutely excellent. It's a really cosy little place, and the customers seem mainly to be local. This always strikes me as a good sign - they live there, and have no doubt been to many of the city's coffeeshops; eveyone we spoke to in there said it was the best in the city. A lot of them seemed to know each other, and there's always someone in there happy to chat about whatever to you. A very pleasant afternoon was spent in here, and we went back twice more. Highly recommended for anyone who wants to escape the more touristy coffeshops; the tourists who do go there don't fit the classic stereotype of drunk Englishmen abroad with no idea what they're doing, and usually like it as much as the locals, coming back a lot: we met a few of the same people in there each time we went. 9.5/10.

Do you believe me yet?

Score: 9.5 out of 10.

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4. Dutch Flowers.

Singel 387. Visited: Thur., 5:30 pm.

A: A bit like a transport caff, cheap 'n' cheerful, but pleasant enough. Serves beer and very nice biscuits with the tea, incidentally. And that's another thing - it was so bloody nice to come to Amsterdam and not be looked at like a complete nutter when I order mint tea, or any other fruit tea for that matter. Not only that but the price was the same as any other tea. How unbelievably sensible. Anyway, Dutch Flowers. Not much to say about this place but it does have the distinction of being the place where I decided to start keeping notes on all these. This guide was born here! You could visit it for this reason alone, but bear in mind that it does have a large wooden clog outside. I didn't actually see a windmill cliche, but there's probably one around somewhere. On the whole, though, you're better going to De Tweede Kamer just round the corner.

TOTEK: The clog out front seemed a little bit much. Why not just have a full brass band throwing tulips at you and singing over and over: "Oi! You're in Amsterdam! In Holland!"? A bit bare, and not that well ventilated, but not a bad coffeeshop - you could certainly do a lot worse. Although, I agree that with Tweede Kamer just round the corner there's no need to stay here. 5/10.

Score: 6 out of 10.

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5. Rookie's.

Korte Leidsedwaarstraat 145-147 (note: don't ask for this in a taxi when pissed). Visited: Thur., 8:30 pm.

A: Very like a pub. In fact, so amazingly like a pub, that it is a pub. If you didn't know you could partake here you could easily miss it. I don't like the "pubby" ones. Somehow it doesn't feel right to me. But, as I've said, I'm a crusty old hippy fart. Mind you, you'd expect even a half-decent pub to be able to serve you a glass of Coca-cola that wasn't syrupy enough to hold a spoon upright, regardless of whether you could smoke a big bifter at the bar. Crap. And I saw someone wearing Tommy Hilfiger within. Bleugh.
C: Though I didn't revisit myself in 2002, I should be fair and mention that a guide from the comedy club, "Boom Chicago", recommends this place quite highly. This means one of three things: a) their tastes differ markedly from mine, b) it's improved in the last few years or c) someone is giving someone else kickbacks. Correspondence invited: let me know.

Score: 2 out of 10.

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6. Rusland.

Rusland. Visited: A: Fri., 11:00 am (!!). C: Thur., 12:30 pm.

A: Now, this is the point where the mission really kicked in. At 11 am it's hardly surprising that this place was pretty empty, but it's quite pleasant: homely, cosy, like someone's kitchen actually. Wins points big-style for having 43 types of tea and also being very cheap: most drinks and snacks under a quid.
C: Still worth a visit, though the number of teas has slumped disastrously - OK, actually there are now only 40. It's not the cosiest place for some reason I can't put my finger on, but it is certainly worth a visit.

Score: 7.5 out of 10

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7. Sensi Seeds.

Oude Doelenstraat 20. Visited: A: Fri., noon. C: Weds., 10:00 pm.

A: Keeping up the pace. This place was the one most like a wine bar or bistro, the sort of place you can imagine the Harvey Nicks habituees hanging out. But nice all the same, lots of light and plants. Good music, and also the only place in all of Amsterdam, it seems, with a female dealer. Sells lots of books on cannabis cultivation and history.
C: Revisited quite late in the evening and it is a fine place to chill out after having braved the Red Light District just to the north (if that's your bag). Very calming atmosphere and Clare made the observation that it seems a very female-designed place - I've never seen a bloke working in here. It may well be female-owned and is definitely none the worse for that. Highly recommended.
D: Revisited Xmas 2002 - nothing to add except to confirm that this is a very fine coffeeshop, definitely the best in the vicinity of the Red Light District. And I've still never seen a male member of staff in here.

Score: 8.5 out of 10

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8. Stone's.

Warmoestraat 91. Visited: Fri., 1:30 pm.

A: Didn't like this one. Another pub, with dodgy Eurorock being played too loudly on the stereo. Also this place had by far the most irritating dealer. Dealers in coffeeshops are cool dudes who sit in the corner all day and wait for the little innocent tourists to come up and whisper, "listen, can I get some, y'know, POT here?". Dealers should NOT be irritating f***wits who come up to you every ten minutes and say in the most stupid Euroaccent "hey man, wanna get HIGH?!". Of course I do you stupid little tosser, that's why I'm HERE, and that's also why I'm sitting here with three grams of skunk in front of me that I bought SOMEWHERE ELSE so will you please go away and leave me in peace?!?

Score: 3 out of 10.

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9. City Hall.

Oudezijds Voorburgwal. Visited: Fri., 3:45 pm.

A: As you might imagine it was becoming quite a heavy afternoon at this point but we managed to take in one more before retiring the hotel for a short siesta. This was also a bar, but better than some of the others, more friendly-looking. Not really the "coffeeshop experience" though. And it has incredibly dodgy toilets. You know that film "The Fly"?....

Score: 5 out of 10(was 6 until I went to the Gents').

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10. Dampkring.

Handboogstraat 29. Visited: Fri., 8:00pm.

A: Great decor: sort of enchanted forest with a hint of wine bar. Decent, laid-back sort of place. My notes say "grim toilets" but I must admit I remember very little about this place. The face that the notes are written round the edge of a Heineken beermat is probably not unconnected to this phenomenon.

TOTEK: Owned and run by the same people who own De Tweede Kamer [I didn't know this... Drew], this is essentially a larger and slightly more commercial version of it, and it serves beer. Has exactly the same, still brilliant, menu as Tweede Kamer also, so the weed is varied and of good quality. I wasn't in there very long, but it seemed a nice place, and the staff there were really helpful. 7.5/10.

Score: 7 out of 10.

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11. Rokerij (Amstel).

Amstel 8. Visited: A: Fri., 9.00 pm. C: several times.

A: There are two Rokerijs. A few of the coffeeshops have established chains, and some do fall prey to "chain pub" syndrome (in other words, being bland and crap). But the two Rokerijs are really cool. Comments made about this one must be judged with regard to the fact that by the time we left here at about 11 pm I was absolutely BLITZED. But this place was cool, great decor (best in the city in our opinion), almost a bit too self-consciously hippyshit but it just about gets away with it, a very serene place (but that could just have been because I was no longer capable of rational thought). A friendly dealer and a great view of the river and illuminated buildings on the other side. A good experience and Clare's first toke of the holiday.......

Score: 9 out of 10.

C: In 2002 we stayed very close to this place and patronised it a few times, including the first (i.e., the score). The weed I bought here (Rokerij Silver) was marvellous, and at one point on the holiday got me the highest I've ever been in my life... but that's another story. Anyway, this is definitely the best coffeeshop in its immediate area, and a serene, relaxing place. Well worth a visit, though there's no food available.

TOTEK: I seemed to have a very similar experince to you here. I smoked the Super Silver Shiva, which was brilliant, and got me the second highest I was all trip. The place had a slightly too self-consciously hippy atmosphere, but the staff were all really pleasant, and the dealer was a really cool guy with a big head of dreadlocks. My friend found the seating in here a bit uncomfortable, and it certainly isn't sofa-quality comfort, but it shouldn't be a problem for anyone. The view is beautiful out onto the canal, and it's nice to watch the world go by when sitting in there, but sooner rather than later you'll be trapped by the mural on the wall. It may be a product my mental state at the time, but I spent absolutely ages just staring at it. There's a little face on it which became particularly fascianting for me, and I recalled the night before having a dream about a little monkey called Totek. It came to me that this was in fact the face of the monkey who I'd dreamed about the night before, and I felt really quite happy that he had visited me twice on the trip, always as a very happy little fella. 8/10.

PICTURE BREAK: these are pictures of us in the Rokerij.

Drew looking wasted Clare in Rokerij

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12. Greenhouse.

Waterlooplein 345. Visited: Sat., 1:00 pm

A: Order breakfast in bed. Bellboy arrives with it at 10:00 am. Open door, put breakfast on table, pass out again. Eventually stagger out of hotel at about noon. Hair of the dog is only option so have nice walk in pleasant weather along the river and find this place (which, by the way, is one of three or four Greenhouses, but the only one we visited). Soothing decor, cocktail bar jazz on the stereo, and best of all, a sign saying "no mobile phones"!! Couldn't have asked for anything better.

Score: 8 out of 10.

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13. Blue Bird.

St. Atoniesbreestraat 71. Visited: Sat., 3:00 pm.

A: After a ramble through the flea market that occupies the northern side of Waterlooplein and some sugar- coated pancakes for lunch (yummy), find this place. Very male-dominated, rock music, 80s modernist decor. Not at all helped by being in the equivalent of the Headingley Arndale Centre. There's an outdoor seating area, but smoke there and the proprietor will throw a fit, which kind of defeats the object really. Clare didn't like this one at all, which pushes the score down.

Score: 4.5 out of 10.

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14. Cum Laude.

Langebrugsteeg 7a. Visited: Sat 4:30 pm.

A: Like pubs, coffeeshops cater to a whole range of markets. There are the quieter, more serene places. There are the technotrance hippy places. There are the rock 'n' roll places. There are the laddish boozers. There are great coffeeshops, and good ones, and mediocre ones, and downright bad ones. Then there is Cum Laude. Cum Laude is nothing more than the equivalent of that grotty Chinese takeaway that the fourth-years at secondary school hang out in on the way home because they think it's cool. Or the scabby little amusement arcade in that dreadfully bleak shopping precinct tucked away behind the garages in that council estate down the road that all the tough kids stay away from for fear of their sanity. It is a bizarre red-and-white plastic hell where everyone looks at you like that bit in American Werewolf ("You made me drop it! I've never dropped a spliff before......") and has no redeeming features whatsoever. At all.

Score: 0 out of 10.

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15. Rokerij (Leidseplein).

Lange Leidsedwaarstraat 41. Visited: A: and B: Sat., 10:00 pm.

A: Much bigger than the other Rokerij, and more mainstream; sells beer, a bit more touristy, louder music, that sort of thing. Still with a strong Eastern hippy flavour, and candlelit. Far and away the best of the big touristy coffeeshops and recommended as a starting point for anyone wanting to get the best introduction to this coffeeshop thing.
B: Spent a few hours in here on the Saturday of the stag weekend. It managed to improve it's already good reputation with me. This is definitely the place to come if you want to both smoke and party loudly. The Maharashi was in here playing chess - mobile phone and all. Non-smoking friends can get a beer. The music is excellent. All in all, this is the place to spend the evening, after having been in De Tweede Kamer (see 3) all day!

Score: 9 out of 10.

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16. Abraxas.

J. Roelensteeg 12-14. Visited: Sun., 3:00 pm.

A: Two days of continuous substance abuse had left me with a real hangover of the soul this morning. A walk in the park helped, but it was well into the afternoon before I could face skinning up. All in all, Abraxas probably wasn't the best place to face in that state. Not least because the upper floor is made of glass, and a walk to the toilets is definitely not recommended for those with vertigo (or easily-embarrassed women in short skirts). It's also down a grubby alley, looks like a building site and has scary staff.
C: Not actually revisited but worth mentioning that it sounds like Abraxas now has become one of the city's swankier coffeeshops; the "building site" was the refurbishments in progress, by the sounds of it. Feedback is invited!

STOP PRESS: and here is some... which literally arrived as I was finishing off these updates: correspondents Mr & Mrs Steve of somewhere in South London write: "our absolute number one fave coffeeshop. I felt moved, when I read your review, to set the record straight. We love the vibe there. Fabulous decor, very relaxed, comfy sofas (get there early) and backgammon and internet. Never had any complaints about any of the menus. Rather tasty website, too: http://www.abraxas.tv; For us, 10 out of 10!

So there. An example of how some of these are getting a bit out of date? Well, maybe - but I will check it out myself first!

Score: 3.5 out of 10.

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17. De Kroon.

Oudebrugsteeg. Visited: Sun., 5:00 pm.

A: Nothing special when we first walked in but hidden away up a ladder is a tiny balcony that is totally different in style and atmosphere from the rest of the place. (The pictures of us both at the top of this webpage were taken here.) Ella Fitzgerald was on the stereo and the whole atmosphere was great - although it did change later when dodgy disco replaced our Ell'. So it got a bit marked down, but is probably still worth a brief visit. Sit upstairs!

Score: 7.5 out of 10.

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18. Kandinsky.

Rosmarijnsteeg 9. Visited: Sun., 6:00 pm

A: The first time we passed this joint it was being raided by the police. This apparently happens occasionally. As said above, as long as you're not ballbustingly stupid enough to hold or use hard drugs or weapons, and are over 18, you have nothing to worry about. Anyway, we passed it again on this last evening of the holiday and thought we'd give it another go; it's OK, a bit scruffy and nothing particularly special. An extra point for very comfy seats, however. Incidentally, I take no responsibility whatsoever for the accidental pun in the first sentence of this review. Must have it on the brain.

Score: 5.5 out of 10.

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19. Club Media.

Gerard Doustraat 83-85. Visited: Sun., 9:00 pm.

A: Not all the coffeeshops are in the centre of Amsterdam by any means. Indeed, the ones that are outside the main canal ring (bounded by the Singelgracht canal and the main road called Stadhouderskade) are more likely to be frequented by Amsterdammers rather than Americans inspired by the opening scene of Pulp Fiction. (Or, indeed, specky English PhD students who think anyone will be interested in hearing about the time they went to Amsterdam and did twenty coffeeshops in five days. Man.) This is one of them, tucked away behind the Heineken Brewery. Cafe-like, with a pool table, TV and chart music. Also has up-to-date newspapers, including English editions.

Score: 6.5 out of 10 - but only really worth it if you're staying quite near by.

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20. Mellow Yellow.

Vijzelstraat. Visited: Sun., 10:30 pm.

A: The biggest disappointment of the whole holiday. This was my first ever coffeeshop, back in 1990, and I had suitably Mellow memories of the place, so decided to make it the final stop on this odyssey. The barperson asked us when we walked in if we wanted to score (I don't like that), but I said no, I already had some. Then as I skinned up he told us that we could only smoke stuff we had bought there!! Listen - NO OTHER COFFEESHOP IN AMSTERDAM enforces this rule, regardless of what he tried to bluster at us. No wonder the place was f***ing empty. I just went, "well, sod you then" and we left and went back to the Rokerij (no. 11) which was a far more pleasant way to spend the last night of the holiday. And my answer to Mr. Mellow Yellow - well, I implore anyone reading this to make a point of not going there!

FOOTNOTE: From correspondent King Queen: "The Mellow Yellow was my first coffeeshop as well, in 1997, and it was cack then, the barman was a twat. And it was empty." Note for the unfamiliar: "cack" is a slang word based on the Dutch/Afrikaans, kaak, which means shit. Well, that's 2 out of 2, any contrary opinions will of course be published here if reasonably eloquently written, like all other correspondence.

Score: -10 out of 10 for being an arsehole.

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21. Speakeasy.

Oudebrugsteeg. Visited: B: Sat., 2:00 p.m.

B: A small and extremely low-key coffeeshop across the road from Baba's (1) and next door to the Grasshopper (below), and it suffers in comparison with both. I can only honestly recommend it if the other two are too busy. Few distinguishing characteristics at all - in no way unpleasant, just a little dull. For completists only.

Score: 4 out of 10.

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22. The Grasshopper.

Oudebrugsteeg. Visited: B: Sat., 1:00 p.m.

B: A very large, multi-purpose establishment which will probably be one of the first you see on leaving the Central Station - it's on the left as you look down the Damrak. There is a restaurant/steakhouse on the top floor, a bar on the ground floor and the coffeeshop is in the basement. Note well that "mixing" is not tolerated: no drugs in the bar, no alcohol downstairs, which means that their very nice canal-side terrace is not for smokers, which is a shame. As to the coffeeshop itself - busy, touristy, not bad but not very mellow. To be honest I'd go to Baba's across the street (see 1). (There is another, original Grasshopper on the street called Nieuwezijds Voorburgwal which I vaguely remember visiting in 1990; and this one is a development of that mini-chain. But I haven't been back to the original Grasshopper since; reports from a couple of correspondents suggest it is still worth visiting.)

Score: 6 out of 10.

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23. Topps.

Herengracht, near Leidsestraat. Visited: B: Sat., 11:00 pm

B: A coffeeshop and cybercafé! Just the sort of place we'd all love, right? But apart from the fact you can get wired as you get stoned - and drunk too, it serves beer - there's really very little to recommend this place, at least not when we visited on the Saturday evening of my stag weekend. Very characterless and noisy. Perhaps it just wasn't my sort of crowd, but we didn't stay long nor felt particularly welcome whilst we did.

Score: 2.5 out of 10

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24. Bush Docter

Amstel 94. Visited: C: Mon., 9:30 pm

C: Rather bare and plastic, not the sort of place you could spend very long. Not exactly bad, but very few interesting features and far inferior to the Rokerij up the street (11).

Score: 4 out of 10

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25. Central.

Prins Hendrik Kade, near Geldersekade. Visited: C: Tue., 11:30 am

C: One of the closest coffeeshops to the station and it has that transient, transport-café kind of feel. Some great art on the walls, including a marvellous imitation of the characters in Spartacus having a smoke (I'm a sucker for a Kubrick reference, wherever found). But there is a limited choice of drinks and though there were about 15 people in there when we visited, Clare was the only woman, which might or might not be significant.

Score: 5.5 out of 10

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26. Barney's Breakfast Bar

Haarlemmerstraat 102. Visited: C: Tue., 1:00 pm

C: The only "coffeeshop" in Amsterdam - at least that I've found - that can be truly called a restaurant rather than a café or pub. Oriented to breakfast more than later meals (as the name implies), but then again in deference to the average smoker's timekeeping, this goes on very late! Run by Derry, an Irish expat (Barney is, or was, a cat - according to a correspondent) this is obviously always packed but the food is, at best, average. Also there were no Dutch people in here at all, even amongst the staff, so I wouldn't come in here if you are allergic to tourists and/or tourism. However these criticisms are somewhat irrelevant as this place is such an institution.

TOTEK: Although I've yet to find anywhere that tells you this, there are two different Barney's a few doors apart from each other. The breakfast bar doesn't sell any weed, but is happy for you to skin up in there, and does full-sized breakfasts which starts the day off perfectly. The coffeeshop sells weed, but has a more limited food menu. They'll still serve food in there, but not as late as the Breakfast Bar itself. There is a pretty good selection of weed, and they have a strain called Mekong Haze which gives you the cleanest high buzz I have ever experienced. The monkey character I talked about earlier seemed to be singing in the music that was playing while I was in there - his third appearance. They also have a nice selection of glass bongs to loan out, and amazing freshly squeezed orange juice. 8.5/10.

Score: 6.5 out of 10

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27. Goa.

Kloveniersburgwal. Visited: C: Wed., 11:00 am

C: A bit of a cheat this one as we only stopped for a much-needed cup of tea on the way to the station, and Haarlem (see below). But it seemed a pleasant place, a mock-up of a Goan wooden cabin by the beach. Unfortunately it's by quite a busy road instead, and in the middle of the university district. Seems worth a better look, however.

Score: 6.5 out of 10 (unofficial though - didn't smoke).

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As at autumn 2002 I haven't visited the remaining three coffeeshops myself but these are Totek's opinions, and he seems like a trustworthy sort of chap so until I get back over there to check these out I am sure you'll accept his judgment. (Incidentally if you're wondering what happened to #28 it got shunted onto a separate page when I rearranged this site as it's in Haarlem.)


29. Grey Area

Oude Leliestraat, between the Singel and Herengracht canals

TOTEK: Very, very popular with American tourists, and is run by two American guys. I think it gets a lot of publicity in High Times, and through the associated Cannabis Cup, and seemed to be the first port of call for anyone arriving from the other side of the pond. Has a reasonable selection of weed, and has some extremely strong varieties, including the infamous AK-47, which got me thoroughly mashed, and forced retirement to the hotel in order to gather my thoughts. Also has a good selection of glass bongs.

Unfortunately, my friend and I were beset by a very enthusiastic 42-year old American who talked at us for quite a while. It was about midday, and I'd only been up for about an hour. My friend and I were both hitting a few bongs, and working our way into the day slowly. We were both feeling very chilled out, and not much conversation was passing between us, so he may have seen us as an excellent soundboard. Whatever it was he sat down at our table (the coffeeshop is very small and only has three tables in it), and I was looking forward to the standard gentle conversation found in every coffeeshop. He had bought an ABSOLUTELY ENORMOUS bag of skunk, which is odd as most people like to try a few different varieties and have a small bag of each, and there's no need to buy big in Amsterdam for fear of not being able to get some for a while! Over the course of the next hour he spoke non-stop at us about himself and evrything he'd done, and, among other things, that the only subject worth teaching anyone at all is economics. He then asked the way to the beach, which I think is about 8 miles away, got up, and told us he was going to walk there. Very hectic for that time of day. Grey Area is a good place to pick up, but there's not much there to keep you in the coffeeshop after that. 9 for the weed, 7 for the place. 8/10.

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30. Siberie.

Amstel (along road from Rokerij)

TOTEK: Just down the road from Rokerij, and very well-priced weed. The barmaid was also extremely helpful: our table was a bit wobbly, and she searched around for ages, without us asking, to find something perfect to wedge under the leg. My praise of her might also be influenecd by the fact that she was extremely attractive, as, in general, Dutch women are in comparison to English. It's not anywhere near as cosy as other places, but is nicely decorated, clean, and comfortable. 7/10.

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31. Pink Floyd.

on the corner of Haarlemmer Straat and Buiten Wieringer Straat

TOTEK: Before going in here I was a little concerned that it would be a bit of an over-the-top prog-rock fixated nightmare, but I was pleasantly surprised. The weed is reasonable, and the staff are quite helpful. The real bonus to this place is that it is on a few different floors, and has a few different rooms, all of which are well decorated. They played a good selection of music - Doves, DJ Shadow, and of course Pink Floyd were all on while we were in there, which suited me fine. However, the one big reaon to go here is the toilet on the top floor. If anyone has been there, they'll know what I mean. It's certainly worth a visit just for that. I don't want to say too much about it, other than it's quite freaky. 7.5/10.

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Right: here are the best of the 28 coffeeshops listed above:
  1. DE TWEEDE KAMER - 9.5 out of 10 - for the daytime.
  2. DE ROKERIJ (Leidseplein) - 9 out of 10 - for the evening.
  3. De Rokerij (Amstel) - 9 out of 10.

Honourable mentions: Sensi Seeds, Greenhouse.

Crapness personified: Cum Laude, Mellow Yellow.

First timer award for novices: the Leidseplein Rokerij would be my recommendation for anyone's first coffeeshop. The other two high scorers are smaller and quieter and anyone visiting one for the first time probably wouldn't take to them, but the Leidseplein Rokerij has it all. Go here first.

Clare's award for best decorated coffeeshop: the Amstel Rokerij. Second: Dampkring.

Drew's award for best tea: Rusland.

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  • Put it this way guys, if you can get bored here, you'll be yawning at the Last Judgment. Whether you are an art lover or are here for the sex 'n' sleaze, this place'll surely keep you going for some time. However my particular favourite places are:
  • The Stedelijk Museum - modern art gallery, always with something of at least passing interest in it
  • The Amsterdam Historical Museum - suprisingly detailed and interesting stuff about what is a city with a comparitively brief, but very busy history
  • The Vondelpark - on a sunny day, a great place to chill out, although bear in mind you won't be the only person to have had this idea!
  • The Red Light District - a tourist attraction in its own right, and a strange mixture of the hardcore and the tourist-oriented. If you really want to take in something dubious, Casa Rosso (just up the canal from Sensi Seeds) is definitely the most civilised place to watch stuff, being also the most professional and value-for-money spot. Only don't tell anyone I told you that.
  • Just wander round... Amsterdam is a stunningly beautiful city and though the very centre is pretty tacky, once you're away from the Damrak/Rokin central spine and into the canal ring or just beyond, it's a great place just to stroll until the need for a smoke takes hold once more...

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