Dead Tarrant Page

102+ things to do with a dead Tarrant

This list was compiled by a group of Blake's 7 fans at a gathering in Manchester on 13 August 2000. If you want to add any, please send me an email and I'll tag them on the bottom:

1 Lavatory brush
2 Mop
3 Boot scraper (teeth only)
4 Dartboard
5 Runner-up in dead Tarrant contest
6 Toothpick
7 Target
8 Giant cottonbud
9 Draught excluder
10 Cat food
11 Glue
12 Christmas tree
13 Caber (as in tossing the Tarrant)
14 Bait
15 Soup
16 Teeth as spare piano keys
17 Patches for a shagpile rug
18 Tarrant vindaloo
19 Duster
20 Anvil
21 Merkin
22 Disappointing Curly-Wurly
23 Dildo for Avon (that was Ellie's idea)
24 Nodding Tarrant (in the back window of the Liberator)
25 Xylophone (teeth again)
26 Croquet mallet
27 Crash test dummy
28 Vila substitute in Orbit
29 Blake's stunt double
30 (with his dead brother) bookends
31 Prop in dead-Tarrant sketch (beautiful plumage)
32 Body for Orac
33 Scratchpost for cat
34 Clothes horse
35 Damien Hirst art (cut in half)
36 Anchor
37 (sprayed silver) Andromedan invasion ship
38 Bedspread for Avon
39 Coffee table
40 Pouffe
41 Land fill
42 Speed bump
43 Athletic support
44 Executive stress relief toy
45 Cautionary tale for makers of curling tongs
46 Escape pod tester
47 Carpet beater
48 Fly swat
49 Stuffing
50 Night light
51 Kindling
52 Body armour
53 Reactor shielding
54 Spare plasma bolt
55 Door stop
56 Drinks dispenser
57 Fertiliser
58 Source of great joy
59 Loofah
60 Girl's World (head only)
61 Bowling ball
62 Pin cushion
63 Upholstery
64 Necklace (teeth only)
65 Scratch 'n' sniff toy
66 Space hazard
67 Federation wants you poster
68 Toilet roll
69 Tarrant-skin trousers
70 Pendulum
71 Snooker cue
72 Novelty clock
73 Advent calendar (peel off the 20th, oh look, a lung)
74 Medical school teaching aid
75 Buoy
76 Headlamp
77 Ventriloquist's dummy
78 Mutoid
79 Punchbag
80 Food for Og
81 Restringing tennis racket
82 Upstaging Darrow
83 Plough
84 Gnomon
85 Garden gnome
86 Bookmark
87 Hatstand
88 Canoe
89 Didgeridoo (hollowed out)
90 Ascot hat
91 Carpark barrier
92 Hot dog
93 Garden rake
94 Window box
95 Water feature
96 Emergency rations
97 Whoopee cushion (no adjustment needed)
98 Spitoon
99 Urinal
100 Dyno-rod
101 Graphite writing stick holder (eye sockets)
102 Stepladder

By Ellie, Gary, Harriet, Hellen, Ika, Kat, Nicola, Rob, Steve K, 
Steve R, Tavia and Una

The first extra ones come from Rachel Barber
103 Toilet seat warmer
104 Ice breaker (after he gets stiff)
105 Pool toy
106 Lifeguard's tool for teaching the dead man's float
107 CPR practice dummy for AIDs sufferers
108 Wrench
109 Stuntman (for falls)
110 Wig holder (head only)
111 Lawn mower (teeth only)
112 Fountain statue
113 Puppet
114 Punching bag
115 Shouting post for Avon

Rachel's been busy and added some more
116 Fence post
117 Chew toy
118 Scarecrow
119 Broom
120 Pulpet
121 Torch
122 Seat saver
123 Sausage (mmmm...)
124 Candy bowl (head only, with brains scooped out)
125 Soup bowl (same as above)
126 Trumpet
127 Soil 'n' Green (is Tarrant)
128 TV dinner tray
129 Nightstand Cheese grador (teeth only)
130 Wall paper
131 Mailbox Ashtray
132 Fly trap
133 Pizza Cutter (teeth only)
134 Christmass Tree for Blind people
135 Bird Pirch
136 Air defreshener
137 Pet Brush
138 Q-tip Pinyata (break him open and out come the organs)
139 Garden hoe
140 Furniture Lawn sprinkler (drill holes in him and shove a hose in his  mouth)
141 Golf club for Giants
142 Pogostick
143 Flea collar for mountain lions
144 Seatbelt
145 Lawn jocky
146 Hood orniment for the liberator
147 Good listener (he never talks back)
148 Mouse pad

Paul Moss added this:
149 Suppository for an elephant

When these were first done, the Tarrant godmother Carol Mc suggested these (sorry for the delay in putting them up):
150 Telephone pole
151 Artist's model
152 Scarecrow
153 Cracker Jack prize
154 Leicester Square busker
155 Potpourri (though I think she said this is one he shouldn't be used for)

Ruth (the Mad Avon Lady) suggested:
156 Bird scarer for the garden

Clare suggested:
157 Place him in an aviary, nail him to the perch and call him a Parrant bird
158 Brillo pad - his barnet is not as abrasive as Teflon

If you are one of those strange people who likes Tarrant, then take a look at Flip's page.

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